25 Random Facts about me

25 Random Facts about me

A good friend of mine had recently posted a note on Facebook with 25 random facts about herself. Seemed like a fun idea, and I am shy on other topics this week, so here it goes. Some you may already know, some you could care less about, and others may cause you to never look at me the same again.

1) I have been fired from four of my six jobs. Of those four, four of them didn’t count as real jobs.

2) I didn’t have my first kiss till I was seventeen years old, but it wasn’t for lack of effort.

3) My brother and I once made up our own form of martial arts called Kuma Te. The cool thing about that is you are automatically a black belt.

4) My soon-to-be-born son’s name is derived from one of my favorite GI Joe characters. It took some convincing to get my wife on board. And no, it is not Zartan, though I did present that as an option.

5) Rainbow Bright was the object of my first masturbatory fantasy…before I knew what masturbation even was.

6) I attended DMACC (Des Moines Area Community college) without ever completing an elected class. Yet made the Deans List after required to take a “Driver Improvement Class”.

7) I once pretended to be Jewish just to date a girl (in my defense she was really cute). She was not happy when she learned the truth. You think she would have caught on sooner since I always referred to the temple as “church”.

8) As a child I had aspirations to pursue a career as a paleontologist, zoologist, herpetologist and a marine biologist. I never once said I want to pursue a career in Insurance.

9) I plan on writing comic books for the rest of my life even if it never pays the bills or makes any sort of income. It is a true passion of mine.

10) My beautiful, talented daughter is decades ahead of her old man, she has already written her first children’s book, which is in the process of being illustrated. Once published, all net profit will go into a college fund.

11) I have yet to meet somebody from New Jersey that I actually like. I am starting to believe that person doesn’t even exist.

12) With aspirations of taking Hollywood by storm, I once made a bet with my childhood friend, Christina Calisesi, that I would win an Academy Award by age twenty-five. Needless to say I lost that bet.

13) I’d always wanted a nickname when I didn’t have one, but then when I had nicknames such as BF, NGB, Princess-Limpy-Wrist, Johann, and Goona, I wished I hadn’t had one. And those we the names given to me by my friends, I’d hate to have heard the names people had
for me that didn’t like me.

14) I enjoy reading comic books and still play with action figures, but make no mistake: I am all man.

15) Before I discovered hustler there was Penthouse. Before I discovered Penthouse there was Playboy. Before I discovered Playboy there was Victoria’s Secret. And before I discovered Victoria’s Secret there was the Newport News Catalogue.

16) I created my first superhero when I was twelve years old, it was a vigilante called Death Shadow. I used to dress up as this character wearing black sweat pants, a black t-shirt, a blue cape and a black hat. Death Shadow was armed with an Uzi and a sword…and a mullet.

17) The best advice I should have followed: “Don’t sleep with that girl.”

18) My wife, Lindsey is not just my lover but also my best friend. She has been without a doubt the best thing to ever happen to me. I often shudder at the thought of where I may be now if it wasn’t for her.

19) I didn’t eat salad or Mexican food until I was twenty. I still don’t eat chili with beans, but maybe someday that’ll change. The thought of Mushrooms make me physically ill, and I refuse to anything with them.

20) I used to say that I hate fat people, but after gaining a little weight myself I have changed my stance: I hate really fat people.

21) One of my favorite books is Sympathy for the Devil by Kent Anderson. It is a brilliant character study of one man’s transformation based on experiences during the Vietnam conflict. I have read this book multiple times and it is just as engrossing and disturbing now as it was the first time.

22) When I was in preschool the educators believed I might have needed to go into Special Ed. As it turns out I was just really bored.

23) I used to pretend that my life was a sitcom, and not the unfunny Rosanne kind. This “delusion” often dictated many of my actions and the things I said.

24) I've read the bible cover to cover.

25) Just because I do not believe in God doesn’t mean I am a man without faith.